Roberta's Legacy

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I received a box of scarves from a friend of a friend named Kelly. Each time I wore those scarves I felt her love and support. When I finished treatment she told me to pass them on. So, I took them to a conference where I met a spunky young mom named Roberta. She and her best friend Jen were there together. I was drawn to their genuine smiles and laughter. Roberta was just starting treatment and scratching at her annoying wig. So, I gave her the scarves. We laughed through our tears about facing cancer as young moms. I showed her how to wear a brown scarf with maroon flowers - one of my favorites during treatment. We hugged each other tightly.

Those scarves helped me when I was first diagnosed. A practical resource to wear, inspiration from another person who had faced cancer reminding me I could too. And, it moved me deeply to pass them on. When I reflected on my trauma I started to heal.

This exchange was the inspiration for Hope Scarves. From this personal experience of both receiving the scarves and passing them on – I created a non-profit organization to help other people experience this same connection and support. Now, over 14,000 Hope Scarves circle the globe. Each Hope Scarf contains a scarf, survivor story & scarf tying instructions – traveling to people facing all types of cancer in every state & 24 countries. The oldest recipient is 97 and the youngest, under 1.

When Roberta finished treatment she sent the scarves back to me and wrote her story to pass along with the scarves for the next recipient.

The closing line of her story reads:

I am sending gentle hugs and courage to you in this journey. You are not alone!

When cancer returned to my world with a stage iv metastatic breast cancer diagnosis. Roberta was one of the first people to reach out. Then, in 2016 Roberta also experienced the dreaded diagnosis of stage iv metastatic breast cancer. She said, watching me live with the disease made her less scared. Once again, our stories connected us.

As cancer progressed in her strong body, I sent her that original brown scarf with maroon flowers. And I wrapped it around her own personal story. One that had already been shared with 62 other people facing cancer through Hope Scarves. Sometimes you just need to read your own words to remind yourself how strong you are.

On September 22, 2019 Roberta died. Leaving a loving husband, 12 year old son and twin 6 year old daughters without their dynamic, funny and loving mom. Their world would never be the same.

In celebration of Roberta's life and her lasting legacy at Hope Scarves we launched a Hope Scarves Partnership at University of Pittsburgh, Hillman Cancer Center on January 24, 2020. Leading up to this event, her family & friends raised over $3,630 in her honor to present 121 Hope Scarves to Hillman Cancer Center. The leadership at Hillman Cancer Center were so moved by the program that they spontaneously announced a match to the amount raised for a total donation of $7,260 providing 242 Hope Scarves to patients there. (I may have squealed with excitement in the middle of the program).

The Hillman Cancer Center atrium was packed with Roberta’s family & friends to launch the program. I had the chance to meet her children in person and spend time with her husband, Brandon. It was my honor to help create a moment for those who loved her to come together and share their love. I read Roberta’s story as her son cried in the front row. It was heartbreaking and heartwarming all at the same time.

It was an incredibly moving, full circle moment when Roberta’s friend Jen, returned that special brown scarf with maroon flowers. I held it in my hands - remembering the first time I wore it. Thinking about how life had unfolded. Roberta and I had no idea what our lives held when we shared this scarf in 2009… the joy, pain, fear, love. As I held this scarf I felt guilt. Why did Roberta die and I am still healthy? I felt anger. Why do we not have more treatment options? I felt pride. I am proud of the community we have built at Hope Scarves and how we turn heartbreak into hope again and again and again… and that this simple scarf started it all. I felt urgency. Around my own fragile life, my mission to raise money for research and support people facing cancer.

Most of all I felt love. A shared love grounded in our stories. Each embrace, introduction & laugh - a reminder of the power of connection.

“I am sending gentle hugs and courage.”