We get stronger as the burden gets heavier
As many of you know, I was originally diagnosed in 2007 at the age of 30, 7 months pregnant. Then, in 2014 I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. I had a 20% chance of surviving 5 years with this terminal diagnosis. The average life expectancy is 2-3 years and 114 people die each day of MBC.
Yet, here I am 7 years after hearing the news that the breast cancer spread to my bones.
It hasn’t been easy, but we persevered through a lot of hard times. I am fortunate that my treatments appear to be slowing the spread of MBC in my body. This isn’t the case for many patients and we need more research to improve quality and length of life for people facing MBC. (But, that’s another blog post…)
Today, on this milestone day I am reading a beautiful book, Love is the way. Holding onto Hope in Troubling Times by Bishop Michael Curry of the Episcopal Church.
Bishop Curry writes, “The way of love will show us the right thing to do every singe time. It is moral and spiritual grounding and a place of rest amidst the chaos that is often part of life. It is how how we stay decent in indecent times. Loving isn’t always easy. But, like with muscles we get stronger- both with repetition and as the burden gets heavier. And it works.”
We get stronger as the burden gets heavier.
I have seen first hand that as my burdens got heavier, the love around me got stronger. The love inside me got sturdier.
This is comforting and reassuring for me to repeat to myself, over and over. You are getting stronger… you are getting better at living with MBC because you are building up this muscle to love, hope and frankly, cope. The longer I live with MBC the “easier” it seems to get. Maybe this is because I am further away from my pre-MBC wellness comparison. I don’t really remember what it felt like to run an 8 minute mile or do 1,000 things in a day in my old fast pace, multi-tasking way. I have given myself grace to welcome a new framework for my (hopeful) life that is a little more plump, slower and disorganized. I am also incredibly lucky to be one of the ones for which the disease has had durable stability, allowing for the chance to get stronger. I am also incredibly fortunate that the people around me grew in their love as the years facing the uncertainty of this disease wore on. Instead of abandoning me or growing fatigued in loving me through an unending crisis - my friends and family have strengthened their love too.
On January 9th, my 7 year MBC “cancerversary” I felt extreme examples of love and hate. I saw love radiate as friends and family around the world showed up to celebrate my 7 year milestone. Gifts left on my porch, my phone buzzing all day with texts, phone calls, zoom happy hour and lots and lots of air hugs! I also watched videos of a mob of angry insurrectionists invade the US Capitol. The hate in their words and actions broke my heart. In disbelief we talked to our children about democracy, kindness & respect.
As I balance these emotions - I just kept coming back to love. I circle back to hope.
Like a muscle - love gets stronger when we use it - both with repetition and as the burden gets heavier. Love for ourselves & for each other. Love for our nation and respect even those we disagree with.
I wasn’t sure how my life would unfold with metastatic breast cancer. It doesn’t change the reality, but I can tell you on the days I am grounded in love and hope - the burden is lighter. Or, perhaps - I am stronger. For seven years I have chosen love over fear. Connection over isolation. Laughter over tears. That isn’t to say I live free of pain, but I keep flexing love & hope. Working it. Strengthening it.
So, let’s keep showing up, for each other and for OURSELVES. Especially as we face hard, uncertain times like those before us now.
Flex your love.
“like with muscles we get stronger- both with repetition and as the burden gets heavier.”
7 years with MBC
Still kickin…and in need of a manicure. This is My Hopeful Life!